Old Age, From Youth’s Narrow Prism

[TheQueen]

March 2, 2010
Cases
Old Age, From Youth’s Narrow Prism
By MARC E. AGRONIN, M.D.

The old woman had drawn down the shade in her room — hoping, I imagined, to stop the midday Miami sun from penetrating her grief. But the sun still hit the window full force and illuminated the shade like a Chinese lantern.

She sat silently in a wheelchair, her 93-year-old silhouette stooped in the bathing light. I entered, held her hand for a moment and introduced myself. “Sit down, doctor,” she said politely.

I asked her why she had come to the nursing home, and she described the recent passing of her husband after 73 years of marriage. I was overwhelmed by the thought of her loss, and wanted to offer some words of comfort. I leaned in close and spoke.

“I’m so sorry,” I told her. “What has it been like for you losing your husband after so many years of marriage?”

She paused for a moment and then replied: “Heaven.”

Seeing my bewilderment, she smiled and went on to describe how she had endured decades in an unhappy marriage with a gruff, verbally abusive man.

As she spoke, I realized why my instincts were so completely off. In my misguided empathy I had committed what William James called the psychologist’s fallacy, assuming incorrectly that one knows what someone else is experiencing. With this newly widowed patient I imagined that only a life of sadness and decrepitude remained, and I felt bad about it.

But I was wrong. She had not fallen into the abyss. She was glad to have finally won a measure of freedom and was determined to make the best of it. As her life unfolded at the nursing home over the next year, she threw herself into new activities and relationships in a way that was quite unexpected.

Continue reading: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/02/health/02case.html

[figmentmom]

Well, I hope this is what it's like for me:


"Henry Wadsworth Longfellow captured the sentiment well:

For age is opportunity no less

Than youth itself, though in another dress,

And as the evening twilight fades away

The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day."

[TheQueen]

That's a beautiful quote. I think I'm going to make it my own personal mantra.

[Christy]

I have seen so many people whining/complaining/whatever as their 30th birthday approaches, it's so annoying... but I guess you can't see the stupidity of that mindset until it's past you.

I thought 20's sucked :dunno There is not an age I would ever want to go back to, and every year that passes I think that about the previous year. There are times of my life I wish I could revisit, mostly dealing with my kids, I would love to hang onto THEIR childhoods forever, but I never want to go back, for myself. Life just keeps getting better... so far :dunno

[BeeJay]

I have seen so many people whining/complaining/whatever as their 30th birthday approaches, it's so annoying... but I guess you can't see the stupidity of that mindset until it's past you.


:thumbs

I'll admit, having 30 around the corner messes with me a bit...but more for what I haven't accomplished yet than for feeling "old." This was a nice piece to read.

[erika]

I'm loving my 30s! 20s are ok and all but just starting out, not having your shit together yet... it's nice to have some security, freedom, and a bit more wisdom.

I'm with Christy. So far life keeps getting better. And anyone who fears old age should come to AZ and check out Sun City/Sun City West/Sun City Grand/etc sometime! Those folks are having a blast :lol

[figmentmom]

I'm not afraid of getting older...as my grandfather used to say, it beats the alternative. :lol There are rewards to each phase of life - they're just different. My parents, who are in their mid-eighties, say the same. :flower

[Christy]

I'm loving my 30s! 20s are ok and all but just starting out, not having your shit together yet... it's nice to have some security, freedom, and a bit more wisdom.

I'm with Christy. So far life keeps getting better. And anyone who fears old age should come to AZ and check out Sun City/Sun City West/Sun City Grand/etc sometime! Those folks are having a blast :lol

I find that my 20's were a totally insecure time for me, and things bothered me then that I wouldn't care at all about now.

[pinkrose]

I don't mind 30's, but they went too fast. Next year is 40 for me and I'm not dealing with that so well. I know, it beats the alternative. :lol I just don't feel like i've accomplished much. :dunno

I would like to rewind a bit. The kids are growing way too fast. I need some more of their "little" years.

[Katie4075]

To be honest, I've never understood why people want to go back in time, or be younger. I'm 21, closing in on 22 in a few months, and I'm headed into the scariest point of my life. I graduate in May, and there are NO jobs out there. My internship screwed me over for the last time, so I literally have NOTHING lined up. This point in my life is absolutely insane, and anyone who would willing subject themselves to this for a second time needs to have their head checked. :dunno

I'm not 100% ok with 30, but I'm also not really ok with 25 either. :lol

[figmentmom]

I find that my 20's were a totally insecure time for me, and things bothered me then that I wouldn't care at all about now.

Me, too!


I don't mind 30's, but they went too fast. Next year is 40 for me and I'm not dealing with that so well. I know, it beats the alternative. :lol I just don't feel like i've accomplished much. :dunno

I would like to rewind a bit. The kids are growing way too fast. I need some more of their "little" years.

I LOVED being in my thirties. The hard part about being in my forties was that the kids were teenagers, and I felt like a hamster on an exercise wheel all the time. :lol But I did often feel exactly like Jeremy's mom sometimes:

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20100131&name=Zits


To be honest, I've never understood why people want to go back in time, or be younger. I'm 21, closing in on 22 in a few months, and I'm headed into the scariest point of my life. I graduate in May, and there are NO jobs out there. My internship screwed me over for the last time, so I literally have NOTHING lined up. This point in my life is absolutely insane, and anyone who would willing subject themselves to this for a second time needs to have their head checked. :dunno

I'm not 100% ok with 30, but I'm also not really ok with 25 either. :lol

You are a terrific young lady with a bright future ahead. Things will work out. :hugs

[BeeJay]

I don't mind 30's, but they went too fast. Next year is 40 for me and I'm not dealing with that so well. I know, it beats the alternative. :lol I just don't feel like i've accomplished much. :dunno

Is there an echo in here? :lookaroun

Maybe we're too hard on ourselves. :lol

[Christy]

Well really... what is it we all need to be doing to feel like we're doing something? :lol

Although, I gotta say, (going back to the bucket list thread a bit) if I'm going to have to be hanging with the brainiac doctors Andy works with for the next however many years, I may wanna work on that college degree :goofy :rotfl

[TheQueen]

I really believe in not basing yourself and who you are to your age. I'm 38 and there are times when I feel like I'm 14 with my doofus sense of humor. Or I'll feel much older when I find myself in professional situations where I have to actually speak and act like an adult. As they say, I'm all over the map.

[figmentmom]

I really believe in not basing yourself and who you are to your age. I'm 38 and there are times when I feel like I'm 14 with my doofus sense of humor. Or I'll feel much older when I find myself in professional situations where I have to actually speak and act like an adult. As they say, I'm all over the map.

So true. I remember my mother-in-law saying that she didn't FEEL any older, and when she looked in the mirror, it was always something of a shock. I always assumed she was referring to just her appearance and the physical manifestations of aging, but now I think there was more to it than that. I may be older, but I don't necessarily feel a lot wiser :rotfl There are times when I'm happy with the things I've accomplished so far, and other times when I'm dissatisfied. I'm not saying I want to settle into solid middle age with a sense of complacency; I just don't want to slow any forward momentum in terms of learning new things, or going places, or being there for my family, or...where's that bucket list again? :lol

[Katie4075]

I really believe in not basing yourself and who you are to your age. I'm 38 and there are times when I feel like I'm 14 with my doofus sense of humor. Or I'll feel much older when I find myself in professional situations where I have to actually speak and act like an adult. As they say, I'm all over the map.

I agree with that. When I was working, a lot of people I worked with over the phone didn't always realize they were dealing with a 20-21 year old intern until they actually MET me. I always felt older when I was there. It always took a week or two of being back at school with people my own age, in a relaxed atmosphere before I started acting my age again all of the time. :lol .

[LinHoov]

Well, I'll be 45 years old this year and I can say I see the draw of being younger, for sure! As you said, I still feel the same, but it is shock when I look in the mirror. Gray hair started in my early 30's. I've had to dye it ever since. Then the wrinkles, etc., and I know I have arthritis, osteoporosis, & menopause to look forward to! Ugh. I know - - the glass 1/2 empty, right?

I think the birthday that hit me the hardest was when I turned 35 because I always wanted kids (plural) and it just never happened... and I knew it never would. So that was a really bitter pill to swallow. That freed up a little when I went into my 40's because it became a non-issue being "reproductively mature" so to speak.

I see a lot of people are happy and the reason is due to their accomplishments. I think the thing that "gets" us - - is the regrets. When we hit a certain age and realize that we didn't do the things that we wanted to do...and maybe the opportunity is lost forever.

So...yea....I guess do as much as your Bucket List as you can as you go through life...and try to see the glass as 1/2 full.

Meanwhile, I'm going to go have my face ironed!

[LinHoov]

it makes your day when you get a wonderful snuggly pair of socks.


:D

[figmentmom]

Well, I'll be 45 years old this year and I can say I see the draw of being younger, for sure! As you said, I still feel the same, but it is shock when I look in the mirror. Gray hair started in my early 30's. I've had to dye it ever since. Then the wrinkles, etc., and I know I have arthritis, osteoporosis, & menopause to look forward to! Ugh. I know - - the glass 1/2 empty, right?

I think the birthday that hit me the hardest was when I turned 35 because I always wanted kids (plural) and it just never happened... and I knew it never would. So that was a really bitter pill to swallow. That freed up a little when I went into my 40's because it became a non-issue being "reproductively mature" so to speak.

I see a lot of people are happy and the reason is due to their accomplishments. I think the thing that "gets" us - - is the regrets. When we hit a certain age and realize that we didn't do the things that we wanted to do...and maybe the opportunity is lost forever.

So...yea....I guess do as much as your Bucket List as you can as you go through life...and try to see the glass as 1/2 full.

Meanwhile, I'm going to go have my face ironed!

Age and attitude are so closely related. There are so many things I still want to see and do! I want to watch our granddaughter Katie (and her on-the-way little sister or brother) grow up, and I want to be a big part of their lives. I want to continue improving as a musician, and I study with a WONDERFUL flute teacher to that end. There are so many books I haven't read yet, and places I haven't seen!

There are lots of things in my life that are unfinished, too. Who knows where life will eventually take our son? He's still very much a work in progress. Will we stay here in upstate New York because he's here, or move to Minnesota to be near Sara, Jason, Katie and the new little one on the way? I don't know. It's a journey, I guess.

Wait, Linda, I'll go with you for the face-ironing.